We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
The purpose of Step 9 is to free us from the past and become better able to live in the present. I can do this by attempting to set right the wrongs I have committed by trying to repair the damage I’ve done to others. While drinking and drugging, I wreaked havoc in the lives of most of those who loved and cared about me. I also had some individuals on my Eighth Step list that I had harmed while completely clean and sober. Some of these incidents from my past occurred even before I ever picked up alcohol and drugs. I have now met with many of those on my Eighth Step list and made formal amends with Step 9. After discussing each person with my sponsor, I took an opportunistic approach to setting up meetings with those on my list. I reviewed my list and called individuals one at a time and asked if we could get together. After some small talk I let the individual know the reason that I wanted to get together with them was I had something important to me to discuss. I imagine some of them initially thought this was some kind of sales pitch for a pyramid scheme. When we met, I focused on acknowledging the harm I caused them and tried to express my regrets to the best of my ability. I also asked if there was any way I could make it up to them. For those that I owed financial amends, I paid the money back or set up a payment plan when it was beyond my immediate ability. I felt vulnerable by exposing my wrongs and realized I had to accept their reactions, no matter what it might be. Most of my Ninth Step amends sessions went well, as those individuals appreciated my apology and expressed support for my recovery. A couple of sessions were more uncomfortable, as the individuals expressed long pent-up resentments and anger towards me. Thanks to my sponsor’s guidance, my role was to listen and acknowledge their pain and not defend my past behaviors. It was important to go further than mere apologies by making commitments to repair any damage, if possible, and make a commitment to never repeat the harm that I committed.