Joke Tradition
If the Thirteenth Step is about sex, then it makes sense that the Thirteenth Tradition is about group sex. Many of us struggle with our sexuality, especially when we look back to when we were drinking and drugging. Although drugs and alcohol may have reduced some of my inhibitions with potential partners, being intoxicated led me into some unsavory situations that I regret. Finding a new way of living in this area can be difficult in recovery due to years of poor habits, decisions, and patterns of behavior. I needed to look at my sexual behaviors and decide in what ways I need to change. It has become obvious to me that many of my past behaviors did not serve my greater good. Intimate relationships can lead me to emotional pain and feelings of shame and rejection. I need to show respect and understand that I could harm anyone that I date by taking romance lightly. Working the Steps and discussions with my sponsor has helped me come to terms with my past and take an honest look at myself and my behaviors with romantic partners. I lacked self-esteem and confidence while drinking and drugging and usually only settled into relationships that didn’t take much risk on my part. I seemed to end up with individuals that were just as needy as myself, if not more so. I had some experience with sexual activities but knew very little about intimacy. Even in my first marriage I was lost in my addiction and failed as a true partner. In recovery, I’ve discovered that Intimacy builds over time as I connect with my partner and grow closer to them. I’ve been able to experience relationships in which I truly cared about my partner and felt more and more comfortable with them and myself. I’ve been able to experience both physical and emotional bonding while together, and better able to establish healthy boundaries. The relationships I’ve experienced in recovery have been much more rewarding than what I remember from my drinking and drugging days. I’ve discovered intimacy beyond physical attraction. I’ve also learned to part ways in a mature, respectful way with lovers when the relationship fell short of either of our desires or expectations. Talking about my sexuality with my sponsor has helped me grow and mature in this area of my life. It is important for me to lay out all my thoughts, feelings, and behaviors regarding sex, intimacy, and partnership with my sponsor. By being honest I was able to get to a point where I really wanted an equal partner to share my life. When I met my wife, Beth, she had very similar goals. I am very grateful for the Steps, my sponsor, and my willingness to honestly examine this important area of my life. Some of my past sexual experiences may have lacked intimacy and might include behaviors I’d just as soon forget about and leave out of my recovery.